Empathy is not a weakness but a superpower

Empathy is not a weakness but a superpowerEmpathy is not a weakness but a superpowerBefore embarking on this life-changing experiment, psychiatrist Helen Riess was a little bit hesitant. One of zu sichbei students wanted to find out whether when there is empathy between two people, their heart rates are in sync?- ?or not.A doctor-patient relationship seemed like the perfect scenario. Dr. Riess finally agreed to be videotaped and hooked up to some cables. A confident young patient would join her on this experience.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreLater, when she looked at the results, the psychiatrist was blown away. Both her patients tracings and hers were in sync. But for the wrong reason. She would soon find out that, as a psychiatrist, she wasnt as empathetic as she thought.This experiment turned out to be a career-defining one for Dr. Riess?- ?it helped her see what most of u s miss.Empathy in the age ofangerWe usually refer to empathy as walking in someone elses shoes. The assumption is that, before judging someone, we must understand their experiences, feelings, and challenges.I like to think that empathy is being in sync with someone else.We cant necessarily experience what other people are going through?- ?everyone we know is fighting their own battles. However, we can try to connect to their struggles?- ?we can sync.As the world grows more interconnected, people feel more disconnected and isolated?- ?synchronicity has gone missing.The complex societal and technological transformations are having a profound impact on our lives. For many, the world is becoming increasingly anxious, unhappy and lonely, according to theGlobal Risks Report 2019.Mental health problems now affect 700 million people across the world, according to the report published by the World Economic Forum. We are stressed out?- ?uncertainty and volatilitymake us feel we lack control.W e feel anxious, unhappy, and lonely?- ?anger is increasing empathy seems missing in action.Astudyfound that 58% of Americans and 50% of British believe that technology is the major reason for loneliness and social isolation.Emotionally, people are quite lonely. Were seeing in many societies a kind of breakdown of family, or connection with family, Zurich Insurances John Scott explains.We are living in an era of anger?- ?empathy is missing when we need it the most.Todays college students are 40 percent less empathetic than those of the 80s and 90s astudysays. Meanwhile, the level of narcissismhas increasedby 58 percent.As Dr. Michele Borba, author ofUnSelfie, said,Its very hard to be empathetic and feel for another human being if you cant read another persons emotions. You dont learn emotional literacy facing a screen. You dont learn emotional literacy with emojis.We cant connect when we cant look at each other in the eye?- ?we are continually adding new friends but losing real conne ctions. 22% of British people feel lonely (up from 17 percent in 2014). Similarly, Americans number of close friends has declined?- ?from 2.9 to 2.1.The tools that are supposed to make us sync are tearing us apart. Or is itus?Are you wired forempathy?We are experiencing anempathy deficit. We can blame it on technology or do something about it.Empathy is a superpower?- ?it should be practiced regularly, not on rare occasions.Empathsare highly sensitive people that are spiritually open and good listeners?- ?they are highly attuned to other peoples moods, good and bad. But, dont write yourself off. We all have this superpower. We need to cultivate it.Emotional Empathyhelps us see other peoples pain.Neuroscientists discoveredthat specific brain cells become active when someone is suffering. These mirror neurons reflect what others feel?- ?they make their pain visible.Cognitive Empathy, on the other hand, is about understanding people?- ?it doesnt require to suffer as they do. Psychologi sts also called it perspective taking?- ?its the effort to understand how other people behave, think, or feel.A world without empathy is inconceivable, MarkDavis.For some experts, empathy is hard-wired. But, a Stanford University study shows thatweare actually in charge. Those who believe empathy is not a fixed trait, spend more time listening to others?- ?they show a greater willingness to help.Our nature is tocollaboratewith other humans?- ?we reflect their feelings. Professor Mark Davis says he cant imagine people without the capacity to feel for others. Babies are born with that unique superpower?- ?no one has taught them to be empathetic.Empathy might be declining, but its on us to reverse the trend. This social glue skill can be developed with practice and discipline. It requires recognizing and understanding our emotions so we can see other peoples feelings.As Borba said, Kids are so used to looking down, instead of looking up. You dont learn empathy and face-to-face connecti on if youre looking down and textingBecoming more empathetic requiresinteractingwith people.Empathy is seeing thepainWhen Dr. Helen Riess reviewed the results of her experiment, she realized her patient and her were in sync?- ?but for different reasons.Though both tracings were synchronized, her patients were moving up and down very quickly while Riess were slower. The psychiatrist was blown away how her calm, self-confident appearing woman was actually experiencing massive anxiety.The Dr. felt they were in sync. She didnt realize what wasreally going on inside her patient. However, the young woman wasnt surprised by the results at all?- ?she lived with anxiety every day, but no one has seen her pain before.Moved by this revelation, Dr. Riess reviewed all the videos and departureed seeing whatseemed silentbefore. She discovered how the highest peaks of her patients tracings coincided with unnoticed gestures?- ?flicking her hair or subtly changing her tone voice.As Riess explains on thisTEDx talk, the experiment became a turning point for both?- ?their work went to a deeper level. The patient was able to lose weight. She finally let go of a huge emotional burden. Both women startedseeing each other clearly.No one ever has seen my painbeforeEmpathy is not feeling what other people feel but to see their pain.The word empathy was inspired by the German aesthetic termEinfhlung, meaning feeling into. When we see, we can witness other peoples emotions. We cannot feel them as they do, but we can be present.When we are anxious or frustrated, we stop seeing other people.Unleash your superpowerBeing empathetic is looking at others through their lens, not ours. We say hello to others so they can be fully present. We welcome their emotions, perspectives, and uniqueness.AtLiberationist, empathy plays a key role in everything we do. It helps us liberate the best version of leaders and their teams. When they startseeingeach other, collaboration and trust skyrocket.Empathy is more than a skill its an invitation.In the Zulu tribe, the word for hello is Sawubona, which meansI see youand the response, Ngikhona means I am here.Empathy is not an emotion but being in sync?- ?it requires effort.To see other peoples pain. To understand their emotions. To appreciate their uniqueness.Empathy is not about feeling pity for others, but to accept their feelings as valid. Its not trying to feel like them either?- ?but understanding what they are experiencing. We listen to their stories within the proper emotional context.We dont need to read someone elses mind to be empathetic. It requires understanding the depth of their feelings.Empathy is being in sync with someone elses emotions?- ?its a superpower that makes people visible.Gustavo Razzettiis a change instigator who helpspeople and organizations create positive change. He advises, writes, and speaks on team development and culture transformation. Follow Gustavo onLinkedIn,Twitter, orreceive his weekly insights.This article first appeared on Medium.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people